Libby Doe

Communication is a problem area for nearly every married couple. The reasons for it are probably too vast to go into, though I have studied this subject at great length along with my husband for the sake of counseling married couples in our church. In the end, the reality is that Americans, in general, are just terrible communicators. We don’t teach proper communication skills in school and generation after generation simply pass on their poor communication skills to their children.

But the problem is magnified when it comes to interacting with a Strong Man. And that is because a Strong Man communicates on a much higher and more advanced level than the average person. He understands far more things and his mind is processing a lot more information in any instant. Therefore, when you communicate with him, he will require the information both quickly and clearly. In fact, you can describe the communication style and requirement for the typical strong man with one word: efficient.

A Strong Man doesn’t usually waste his words. While he is not strictly militaristic, like a drill sergeant in his style of communication, he is likewise as efficient in his thinking as a commanding officer would be with his troops. Lives are on the line. A mission is at stake. He doesn’t have time for meaningless talk or squabbles over feelings. He simply needs the facts stated as they are and he needs them now.

This often creates problems when you, as his lovely wife, are emotionally weak or are accustomed to defending yourself for everything. If you are the type of person who always feels attacked, even when you’re not being attacked, you will take your husband’s communication style as harsh or mean and you will emotionally respond with negative feelings and evasive answers.

This is a huge problem because your man just wants you to answer the question. So don’t be evasive and don’t be elusive, just answer the question. Remember, your husband not only loves you, but he is with you because he wants you. He is not attacking you. He is just asking you a question or trying to find information for a problem he needs to solve. If you do not respond quickly and clearly, and if he has to keep asking more questions to get you to just answer, or if he has to ask clarifying questions because you simply would not respond accurately the first time, then he is going to get extremely frustrated with you. This is not because he is mean, rather it is because you are inefficient. You wouldn’t expect the Captain of a ship to have great patience with his subordinates if he has to ask a question 10 times in order to get a clear answer from someone, would you? So why do you resent your husband for getting frustrated with you when you simply do not communicate clearly with him?

Your strong man is a leader in some capacity; either as a business owner or a coach or leader who is responsible for many others under their domain. Under normal circumstances, he would just fire someone for not answering his questions or for making his life or his job more difficult. But in your case, he can’t and won’t do that. Neither does he want to. He just wants you to communicate properly. Really, it’s not hard. Just learn to answer like a soldier answers, efficiently, with clarity, and to the point.

Remember, he is not attacking you. He is just asking a question and needs the answer. Don’t make him ask 21 times, just answer the first time. Don’t say stupid things like, “I already told you” or “you don’t already know?” or something stupid like that. If he is asking you, it is because he wants the answer. Maybe he knows, maybe he doesn’t. Just answer the question. He is 1,000 times smarter than you. His brain processes more things, faster, and for much higher purposes. When you don’t answer immediately and accurately, you make him feel like he is a calculus expert talking to a child learning arithmetic who can’t give a straight answer to what 2 plus 2 is.

Again, you are married to a Strong Man and if you learn to communicate well with him, you will become a better communicator with everyone else. This will simply make you a better person. And this is one of the glorious things about being married to a strong man; if you will quit fighting him and start to learn from him, instead of you bringing him down to a lower level, you allow him to take you up to higher levels. Truly, it is glorious to be married to a Strong Man!