Libby Doe

Before you can receive from me, it is only fair that I tell you a little bit about who I am and why I feel qualified to write this book. Because I will admit, this book can get pretty heavy at times. It is not because I am speaking in a heavy-handed fashion as I am simply sharing Biblical truth with you.

But my style can be strong and abrasive because I feel like I am fighting against a terrible spirit that I once possessed and that I now hate with everything that is within me.

You see, I am a recovered feminist. Yes, I have always been a Christian woman. I was raised in a Christian family and I have always gone to church and have always done my best to be godly and to act like a Christian, but the truth be told, I was a feminist at heart.

I can’t pinpoint exactly where I got this attitude or belief-system from, as my Mom was not like I was. Okay, she leaned in that direction, but she was not a complete feminist like I was. I can only assume that I learned my ways simply from our culture and from public school. We are a “liberated” society and America is basically controlled by the spirit of feminism. We have been baptized, as a culture, into the spirit of feminism. And I was a like a high priestess in this cult.

I truly believed I was better than any man. I believed I was stronger, smarter, and more capable than any man. And I expressed my attitude at every opportunity. I was a corporate minded, ambition driven woman who earned a good salary mostly because of the degree I had earned (after going into debt and wasting 4 years of my life in college).

When I left college, I married a young man who was my age and attended the same church. He was a good man, but very simple minded. He was a blue collar, working man, who went to work every day, worked hard, and brought home his paycheck happily to take care of me and the two kids we eventually had together.

And though I would never speak one ill word of him, I must confess that I pretty much ran the house. I controlled the finances. I paid the bills. I told him what we would do and would not do. And quite frankly, he didn’t seem to mind. We were married for 5 years when he got sick with cancer. Unfortunately, he had “good insurance” and was able to go doctors and specialists who prescribed him all kinds of treatments, that I now know were not only unnecessary, but were likely the cause of his untimely death. And I hate myself because I demanded of him that he do, “Whatever the doctors tell you to do.”

Well my husband obeyed both me and the doctors and in less than a year he was dead. This left me as a widowed, single mother of two young children, who was absolutely devastated, heart-broken and hopeless.

For the first time in my adult life, I didn’t feel like I had it all under control. I didn’t feel like I was in charge and able to do anything and everything. I felt lonely, hurt, and vulnerable. And I just wanted my husband back.

During that time, I was unable to financially take care of our needs, so I moved out of the state and back into my parents home so they could help me with our kids. And then we started attending a new church where I met an old lady, that we will just call, Naomi.

Naomi took me in under her wing and gave me encouragement and helped me to recover emotionally. And after watching her guide me and help me through my troubled time, I began to realize how drastically different she was than me.

Naomi was old, but remarkably gorgeous. She didn’t have blue hair that was cut short lie most old ladies. Her hair was silver, long, and beautiful. Her words were so kind and so uplifting, and she seemed to exude a calm power that I could not explain. It seemed like no matter how frantic and out of control I was, when I came into her presence, her feminine power just put a heavy blanket on my spirit and calmed me down. I desperately wanted what she had and I asked her to teach me her ways.

This began a year long process or so, of her mentoring me like Mr. Miyagi and Daniel-san in the Karate Kid. I don’t know any other way to explain it.

Naomi was the epitome of femininity, and she literally rescued me out of the bondage of feminism. I didn’t realize how deeply ingrained feminism was in me until I met Naomi. But by God’s grace, she helped me to overcome it.

In time, I learned to HATE feminism with a passion.I particularly hate feminism in Christian women, because we Christian women think so highly of ourselves that we don’t even realize how many feminist beliefs and habits we have.

Well to make a long story short, my Pastor’s wife had a terrible accident and ultimately ended up passing away. It was fairly traumatic. Remarkably, after she died, it seemed like every woman on the planet was starting to line up wanting to be the next Pastor’s wife.

And while it never even dawned on me at the time, I understand why all of these women wanted him. He was definitely a Strong Man. He was a leader, a singer, a Bible scholar, he speaks Greek and Hebrew, and had seemingly endless amounts of talents and skills. He was also independently wealthy having sold a business in his early years which allowed him to live off of the profits and investments that he made from them. So he literally served as the Pastor of the church without receiving any compensation from the church. He served just from his heart and not for any financial gain. And yes, he was so handsome!

I mean, what woman wouldn’t want him? But for me, it was very odd to think of the Pastor that way. I mean, he’s a man of God, right? I shouldn’t be romantically interested in him and neither should any of these other women!

Well let me just tell you that it seemed like the pressure started mounting for him to find and marry a new wife, particularly with so many women after him. It all seemed to happen so fast…

At this point, I was a completely different woman than the feminist psychopath who had married the happy-go-lucky blue collar worker from Texas. I was pretty much a fully recovered feminist who now did everything I could to exalt femininity and to act like a real lady, the same way Naomi taught me.

But I was still very insecure. When I was young, I knew I was very beautiful and I loved to hit the beach in a bikini. Then, I got married and had 2 kids and my post-baby body made me feel very insecure. I was not as beautiful as I used to be. And I was also damaged goods, being a widow and having the baggage of two children. The last thing I ever imagined was that I could marry the Pastor!

Plus, he was really intimidating. I mean, everybody looks up to him and respects him and he’s usually the smartest man in any room that he walks into. So, I just never even considered making a move. But Naomi had different plans for me.

You could say she become like Naomi in the Bible for a moment, and gave me instructions on how to connect with the Pastor and make my availability known unto him, much like Naomi did for Ruth in the Bible.

Without getting into any additional details, we did eventually get married. It still puts me in shock to think about it all. Like I said, it just happened so fast. But now, nearly 25 years later, we’re still married and I have learned more about marriage and Biblical roles than I ever imagined.

And most specifically, because of my experience as a feminist married to a working class man, contrasted with my new identity as a meek-and-quiet feminine Christian wife married to a Biblical Strong Man, I felt and recognized the need to share what I have learned with all of my sisters in God’s Kingdom.

Because I learned a lot. And I learned that I really, truly, hurt and damaged my first husband, and I am probably ultimately responsible for his death. It's really difficult to describe how heavy that weighs on somebody. In this case, how heavy it weighed on me. I also recognize how I hindered my second husband, but by God’s grace I was able to overcome the errors of my ways and finally put myself in the proper position to be blessed from my marriage to a Strong Man.

You see, although I can say today, that I have a new identity as a “meek-and-quiet feminine Christian wife married to a Strong Christian Man,” I definitely didn’t start out that way. In fact, I now recognize that for years, I was the number one hindrance to my Strong Christian Man, and I nearly led him to the point of absolute devastation. My husband is not perfect, don’t get me wrong. He is flawed like all men are. But he is a genuine and legitimate “Strong Man,” and I was not able to handle that properly. As a result, I spent years hindering his calling, destroying our relationship, and poisoning our children against him.

Sure, if you would see us on the outside, everything looked fine. But secretly, in the privacy of our home and our family life, I was destroying everything brick by brick.

Proverbs 14:1 "The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish pulls it down with her hands."

And what was the ultimate cause for all of this? It was feminism. And it was in me. I had to get it out. And honestly it was like an exorcism. Like there was a demonic spirit of feminism that had to be cast out of me. I know that sounds dramatic and extreme, but I really believe that is how strong this spirit of feminism is. And think about it: this is the spirit that is stopping Strong Men from saving the world!

So now you know my story, and I hope you’ll go with me on your own journey so that you too can experience the same liberty, freedom, and salvation that I found and experienced by God’s grace!