Libby Doe

There is a strange but interesting assumption about marriage that I can’t find in the Bible. For some reason, people tend to think or assume that it is normative for a husband and wife to be together 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. But this is simply not real. In ancient times, men were gone providing for their families, either as farmers, hunters, soldiers, or workers. But never were they at home with their spouses all the time.

And the situation with Strong Men is even worse. And by worse, I simply mean that Strong Men have so many more obligations and responsibilities on them, that a wife and children are not going to have as much time available to them as other “normal” men would have with their families.

This is not necessarily a bad thing; it all depends on how you receive this reality. You could recognize it has a blessing, or you can complain about it as if it were a curse.

Just note this, no matter what, you and your children have less time and access to your husband than some wife of a blue collar worker who clocks in and clocks out from 8:00 am to 5:00 pm each day. Your husband might be whisked away to handle other problems, conquests, opportunities, or more that could extend his work for hours, days, or even weeks. He might be locked away in his office, or stuck in countless meetings, or even gone to other cities, states, or countries.

Do you really think King David, Ronald Reagan, Andrew Carnegie, or other great men of renown in history were home every day and emotionally available for their wives in every instant?

I share this with you because I have heard this complaint from many wives of Strong Men, and I find it to be exceptionally selfish and childish.

“Withdraw thy foot from thy neighbour's house; lest he be weary of thee, and so hate thee.” Proverbs 25:1

The reason this scripture exists is because there is nothing in the world that is so great that you can't get to the point of having too much of it. I don't care if it's your favorite song, favorite food, or favorite person, you have to take a break from time to time. Nowhere in the Bible is this picture of husband and wife being together 24/7 pictured as God’s plan or requirement for marriage.

The truth is that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Now, I don't think we should take this to mean that the more we are away from our husband's the better our marriage will be. Not at all. I personally, want as much time as I can possibly get with my husband. And I'm grateful that I have more of his time and attention than any other person on the planet. But, even though I have more of him than anybody else, I don't have him all to myself.

In fact, most of his life is dedicated to his calling. As an individual, I definitely have his attention and time more than anybody. Second after me is our children. Then the members of our church. Then people connected to his various business ventures. And then his extended family. And so on and on it goes.

But nothing seems to get more time than the church ministry itself. He spends hours and hours building the ministry, studying the bible, preparing sermons, writing Bible Studies, praying with people, counseling with people, and doing countless other things related to his calling. The list is endless, and I have to accept the fact that from a time perspective, I come after those things.

That doesn't mean he loves me less, it just means that other things consume more of his time. So the fact that I am not with him 24/7 makes him miss me more and it makes me miss him more. And we therefore, as long as our relationship is strong and glorious, have stronger desires one for another. You know, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

My husband also travels a lot for both ministry and business. He is always at other churches preaching for them. In fact, he's gone nearly every single month visiting other churches and preaching for them. I go with him most of the time, but some times I don't. He has also traveled to over two dozen countries preaching at churches abroad and I've only been with him on those trips a few times. He also goes to lots of business events and is a special speaker/presenter to people in the business community and I almost never go to those events because I don't like them (it's just not my thing). Though he has convinced me to go on a few of them with him.

The point is that my husband is not exclusively mine. And since I share him with the rest of the world it should make me, all the more, want to optimize the time I do get to spend with him. Plus now, we have grandkids. And the one thing we love more than anything is to be with our grandkids, together. So it makes no sense to waste our lives with meaningless drama, contention, strife, and every other evil work.

My encouragement to you ladies with Strong Christian men is to get used to the fact that your husband is not your own.You don't live in a chick flick or a romance novel. You must share your husband with the world. And you must not allow yourself to become spiteful of the fact that he is not always present with you. Your husband is a blessing to the world, so don't be a curse to him.

And the final point to be made here is to remember to not become so comfortable and familiar with your Strong Man Husband, that you lose the respect you should otherwise have for him.

This is the same problem that Jesus spoke about when the people from his hometown of Nazareth could not receive him because of their familiarity with him:

Mark 6:3-5 “'Is this not the carpenter, the Son of Mary, and brother of James, Joses, Judas, and Simon? And are not His sisters here with us?' So they were offended at Him. But Jesus said to them, 'A prophet is not without honor except in his own country, among his own relatives, and in his own house.' Now He could do no mighty work there, except that He laid His hands on a few sick people and healed them.”

It’s interesting to note that because of their inability to properly respect Jesus position, he “could do no might work there.” It makes me wonder what mighty works the wives of Strong Christian Men have been preventing?