Libby Doe

It should be obvious that you don’t want your husband to hate you. However, if you don’t want your husband to hate you, you should really take to heart what the Bible teaches about good wives and evil wives and choose to be the former and not the latter. Consider these scriptures:

• Proverbs 19:13 "A foolish son is the ruin of his father, and the contentions of a wife are a continual dripping."
• Proverbs 21:9 "It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop [on the flat oriental roof, exposed to all kinds of weather] than in a house shared with a nagging, quarrelsome, and faultfinding woman." (Amplified)
• Proverbs 21:19 "Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife." (NIV)
• Proverbs 25:24 “It is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman.” (Amplified)
• Proverbs 27:15 "A continual dripping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike."

These scripture all say essentially the same thing. They all use some different words, but they all describe a wife who is simply horrible and conclude that a man would be better off living anywhere other than with this type of woman. Most specifically, this type of woman was contentious, nagging, quarrelsome, faultfinding, and ill-tempered. Wow. It is exhausting just writing out those words. And yet, if I am honest, I know these words describe the same woman I was for the first part of my second marriage to my Strong Man. But thanks to God using Naomi and the other resources he gave me, I was able to overcome. So I know, without any question, that you can overcome it too! Also, those words describe exactly who I was during my first marriage. It makes me sick to think about. I wish I could bring my husband back from the dead and just love him and hug him and ask him to forgive me.

Now the Bible says these specific things about women, because we, as women, have it in our nature to be prone to this type of an attitude. We can call this attitude and spirit a “Jezebel” attitude or spirit. So ladies, don’t be a Jezebel type of woman. Men want a helpmeet who brings peace to their life, not frustration. Men want women who will lift them up and not tear them down. Men want women who will help to relieve their stress and not become an added burden to their already unimaginable load.

In modern day terminology, I think you could sum this type of woman up with one simple word: dramatic. This is a dramatic woman. Because what is drama other than creating tension and emotions that are not real? Contentions, nagging, quarrels, and the like are all just forms of drama. It is creating things that are not there. Another term we use in modern times is toxic. This is toxic feminism and it exists on purpose. It is designed not just to harm men, but specifically to undermine Strong Men and to prevent them from fulfilling God’s will for their lives while they spend their days trying to overcome the burden that is their wife.

Ladies, we have the power to stop this. We can stop being dramatic. We can stop being toxic. We can stop being contentious. It’s literally as simple as this: JUST STOP! No more yelling, no more arguing, no more contentiousness. No more. Just no more. Repent and do this no more!

Because just like we women have the capacity for so much evil as noted above, you and I likewise have the capacity to be the greatest treasure and the greatest joy that our husbands could ever imagine or experience:

Proverbs 12:4 “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones” (NIV).

What a scripture! It tells us that if we have a noble character, which I see as being meek and quiet, then we are our husband’s crown! What an honor and what a beautiful picture! But if we are disgraceful, we are like decay in his bones. Ouch! That kind of hits below the belt, doesn’t it?

You’re An Emotionally Abusive Gaslighter

By definition, a contentious woman is emotionally abusive. You gaslight him because you claim he is the one who is mean, emotionally abusive, and harsh. The truth is that he is likely stoic, meaning he would be what some women call “emotionally unavailable.” That’s what makes him strong! This attempt at gaslighting your Strong Man just doesn’t work with a Strong Man because he doesn’t care. However, your overall effect will be to neutralize him because you eat up his bandwidth and energy.

Another thing foolish weak women do is they talk back to their Strong Man husbands. Always. We women always have some crass remark, some “comeback,” or some way to “talk back” to our husbands. Sure, we’d never let our children get away with doing that to us, but we do it to our husbands. Interestingly enough, the Bible tells servants specifically to not interact with their masters this way, Titus 2:9 “Teach slaves to be subject to their masters in everything, to try to please them, not to talk back to them." (NIV) This scripture kind of amazes me. I mean, if slaves aren’t even allowed to talk back, why should wives be able to do so? Especially wives of Strong Men! Ladies, don’t talk back to your SCM husband unless you want to be a curse in his life.

Now look at what the Bible says about good wives:

• Proverbs 18:22 "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the LORD."
• Proverbs 19:14 "Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, But a prudent wife is from the LORD."
• Proverbs 31:10-12 "An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life." (ESV)

Again, these scriptures are all saying the same thing! In short, a godly, beautiful, and biblical woman is the greatest joy and blessing a man could ever have. And that woman could be you! You just have to do your husband good and not harm. You need to be prudent and have control over your otherwise contentious nature. We can call this type of attitude and spirit the “Esther” spirit. And this is the spirit you want to have. You want to be an Esther type of woman!

In fact, a woman’s conduct is so powerful and so influential, that the Bible even tells us that a woman has the power and capacity to win an unsaved husband over to salvation simply by her behavior:

1 Peter 3:1-5 "Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands." ESV

Wow, this is really an incredible passage of scripture. It legitimately means that women have the power to influence the lives of others unto salvation just by their own conduct and behavior! I wonder how many women in churches today in America have the life and conduct necessary to actually influence a man unto salvation?

If you want to know how to do it, the secret again is in the scripture itself. It is simply this, “the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” That will do it. I can testify to you right now that if you will just be gentle and quiet, your husband will love you and cherish you in ways you didn’t even know were possible. However, please note that quiet in this context doesn’t just mean volume (though you should work on keeping your volume down), but it means that your attitude is calm, peaceful, and subdued. In other words, your spirit is the exact opposite of the contentious, brawling, argumentative, faultfinding, quarrelsome woman we read about previously. So that is it. That’s all you have to do: just be gentle and quiet and not only will your husband love you and cherish you, but God will hold you in the highest esteem as he sees your spirit as being “very precious.”

Oh and one more thing, this type of a spirit gives you “imperishable beauty.” Think about that. We, as women, are always worried about losing our beauty as we age. But makeup, botox, fillers, surgery, creams, and skin care treatments will never be able to match what a simple “gentle and quiet” spirit will do for your beauty.

It wasn’t until I understood this that I understood why my friend Naomi was so beautiful and so powerful in her calmness and subdued nature. And even though she is old and silver-haired, guess what the one word is that everybody uses to describe her? Everyone calls her “beautiful.” Everyone. Men, women, and children all refer to her as “beautiful.” You know why? Because that is what everyone sees when they see a gentle and quiet spirit, which exudes femininity and imperishable beauty.