Libby Doe

You are blessed to have a Strong Man because you have the potential of having the greatest kids ever. Strong Men make great dads. But, contrary to popular belief, the greatest influence on any child’s life is not their father but it is their mother. It is still the hand that rocks the cradle that rules the world. And there are dozens of scriptures that demonstrate this.

You see, God put woman in charge of guiding the house (I Timothy 5:14) meaning that it is their primary responsibility to raise the children. The man/father is the ultimate authority, but the woman/mother is the one who runs the show. Think of it like an owner and manager of a business. The manager is the one who runs the business on a day to day basis. But the owner, who comes and goes, and is not always physically present, is still the final authority on any issues related to the business. Mothers are like managers. They run the home on a daily basis and are the ones who are primarily responsible for rearing the children.

And this is why you see such a disparity between the groups of children from men who had multiple wives. This is because the children are most heavily influenced by their mothers. You can tell what the mothers were like by seeing how the children ended up. Take Israel, for example. There were 12 boys who were raised by 4 different mothers. And it is interesting to note that you can group together the general personality of the children by their mothers. In the words, Leah’s six children were similar to one another, just like Rachel’s two boys were and the same goes for the children of Zilpah and Bilhah.

Yet, they all had the same father! But the personality traits of their respective mothers showed up in each of the children. All this means is that no one has more power or influence over children than their mother. And you, as the wife of a Strong Man, can either set your children up for maximum success by turning their hearts towards their father, or you can set them up for confusion and suffering by sending mixed messages and by not properly loving their father in front of them.

Remember, your husband is s Strong Man, so he naturally draws people to his leadership. And children in particular, are naturally drawn to the leadership of a Strong Man. But leaders are also intimidating. So while children want to draw close to their Strong Man father, they will naturally feel intimidated by him.

If this is never overcome, then your children will never draw close to their father no matter how hard he reaches out to them and no matter what he does or provides for them. Ultimately, your children will probably respect him to the extent that they love him and honor him as their father, but will never truly realize the benefits and blessings of being the children of a Strong Man. They will not be able to take advantage of the learning opportunities, the joyous extended experiences, the intellectual stimulation, the adventures, and the glory of realizing God’s will.

If you are always bickering, fighting, and arguing with your husband, you will ultimately build a life of resentment between the two of you and you will paint the picture of your husband, both consciously and subconsciously, as a monster. Your children will see him the same way that you see him: as a mean, angry, cruel, and harsh “mean man.” And the feelings of intimidation they have by his presence will only validate that perception.

Of course, there is likely nothing true about that perception. I would be willing to bet that the “mean man” you think is harsh, cruel, and arrogant, is actually loving, patient, kind, and humble. But you are falsely accusing him because of your own emotional weakness just like the Israelites did to Moses.

It basically is this simple: if you paint the picture of your husband as a monster, your children will never want to get close to the monster. And it doesn’t matter what you say with your lips, it only matters what you do with your actions.

I had a woman once tell me that “I always tell my children to go and talk to their father about their issues, but they never do because they don’t feel comfortable with him. So they just talk to me instead.” Wow, what a delusional woman! She literally couldn’t see that she had painted the picture in front of her children for years that her husband was a mean, cruel, ogre, and then she pretended to be shocked when her children didn’t want to go talk to the ogre. So ultimately, she just had to take care of it herself. What a shame! Trust me ladies, our wisdom will never be as good as our husband’s wisdom. (Of course, this woman knew what she was doing and only used that as en excuse. The truth was she was a control freak and wanted control over everything and everyone but played the “I told them to talk to their father” game in order to justify herself.)

Plainly stated, our children will nearly never be better off with our advice, counsel, and guidance over their father’s.

So how exactly do I turn my children’s hearts to their father? Well the answer is outrageously simple. You simply do two things:

1. Never fight or argue with your husband. Never. As in never ever. Have I mentioned this yet? No fighting, no bickering, no quarrels, no contentions, and no drama. If your children never see the spirit of contention between the two of you, then they will have no reason to believe that contention exists, and they will never have to judge either one of you as being guilty or responsible for that contention.

2. Be openly affectionate and loving towards your husband in front of the children. How much do you hug, kiss, cuddle, and physically assault your husband in front of your children? Kids need to see that! There is probably nothing healthier for children to see than physical affection between their parents. If your children saw you always kissing your husband, hugging him, slapping his rear, snuggling up with him, crawling into his lap, and even doing outrageous things like putting his hands on your legs or breasts (“oops,” you can say as if the kids were not supposed to see that), it demonstrates to your children that there is no safer or more loving place than in the arms of their father. But emotionally weak women almost never demonstrate affection for their husbands in front of their children and then they wonder why their children don’t want to get close to him. It’s pretty simple, if you are visibly and obviously close to him, emotionally and physically, then the children will naturally follow suit.

If your children are young, you can fix this problem as early as tomorrow! Stop being a Jezebel type of woman and start being an Esther. And secondarily, start showing your husband lots of physical affection in front of the children. Do it often. And by often, I mean every day. Literally every day. Your kids might say things like “ewwwww, gross” or things like that, but believe me, on the inside they love it. You are making a safe place for them to grow with stable emotions and spiritual maturity.

If your children are grown, it’s probably too late to fix this problem. I would imagine your children are good kids, but confused (more on this later). Maybe you have a couple of great kids and a couple of “problem children,” which is also very common. If you send mixed messages, you get mixed results. You get some good and some bad. My only suggestion would be to repent anyway of being Jezebel and start being Esther. You can still inspire your children and help them see the error of their own ways.