Libby Doe

One of the attributes of families that have a Strong Christian Man and an emotionally weak woman married to each other is an air of confusion that permeates throughout the hearts and minds of the children. After counseling with my husband and many families in this situation, we both noticed that this air of confusion is very common in these types of households.

Usually it looks like this: the children love their dad but they're afraid of him. Or the children love their mom but they don't want to be like her. Or the children are confused about what holiness is or what it even means to be a Christian. Generally speaking, they had a great life and were much more privileged than almost anybody else they know. But they feel like they have had some sort of traumatic past or hard-life experiences even though the world was basically handed to them on a silver platter.

So what gives? Well, this is quintessential confusion and it comes from us being emotionally weak women. Think about it. We've been handed the perfect life and we just mix it up like a chef's scramble and act like our life is so tough. Our daughters and sons look at our family and their father and they simultaneous know or feel two conflicting things:

1. The sons feel like they can never live up to the greatness of their father. While the daughters feel like they will never be able to find a husband who even comes close to their father.
2. The children are afraid of marriage because they think their parents had a terrible marriage while simultaneously thinking that their dad was a great man. So if a great man can't have a good marriage, what hope do they have? This creates confusion and oftentimes desperation.

So where does this confusion come from? We know it doesn't come from God, because God is not the author of confusion, but of peace (1 Corinthians 14:33). But the Bible does tell us this:

James 3:16 "For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work." KJV

Wow, what a verse! According to the Thayer's Greek Lexicon, the original word used for "strife" is basically used to describe political factions. It refers to partisanship and fractiousness. Other versions translate it this way:

Amplified Bible: "…contention (rivalry and selfish ambition)…"
NKJV: "...self-seeking…"

And the original word used for "confusion" in this verse means: instability, or a state of disorder. I find this all very fascinating! The Bible is letting us know that confusion and mental instability is the result of contention! And interestingly enough, the root word for contention and strife used in this verse very specifically referred to the type of strife that creates political factions and partisan fractiousness. I find this fascinating because this is the exact type of strife and contention that emotionally weak women bring to their marriages with Strong Christian Men!

And what is the result of that contentiousness? Well, it brings instability, confusion, and a state of disorder. This is what happens to the families, children, and households of Strong Christian Men with emotionally weak wives. It is a sad state of affairs, but the Bible explains exactly why this is.

As I start wrapping up this book, I needed to highlight this fact for my readers so you can be extra aware of it. Because again, this is our problem, ladies. This is our fault. We create this confusion in our families, in our children, and in our own hearts. I remember being confused for so many years. I remember thinking that something was wrong because I didn't feel saved, or loved, or like I was a real Christian or that God really loved me or that my husband really loved me.

I knew I loved God and I knew I believed in Him, but the truth be told, I was a big ball of confusion. And unfortunately, that spilled over to my children. The oldest one still lives with this spirit and we still have to pray that God will help him overcome it. But it's my fault. I did it. In the same way I regret having vaccinated my children when they were young, and the consequences of that were not something that I could fix on my own, likewise I have to live with the consequences of instilling confusion in my children because of my constant spirit of contention and strife. So I'm begging you to learn from my mistake.

Because like everything else in the Bible, the solution was as easy as: repentance. I know for many it is easier said than done. But I submit to you that sometimes it is just as easy said as it is done. I'm living proof of that!